i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
