Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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