here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
