I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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