Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
