I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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