We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
