she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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