I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
