I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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