Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
