bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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