I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
