windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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