fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
