i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
a search helicopter?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
