Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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