and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
