Can i not drive my cunt home
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
