there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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