Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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