Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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