I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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