You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
