We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
