Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
