Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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