butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Randomize
