I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
