My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
