dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
