What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
