Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
