Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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