Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
