She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
