Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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