Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
