I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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