The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
