***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just pee around me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
