Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
