proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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