Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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