At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
