Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
