According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
