I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
