so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
