You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
