Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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